Co parenting

So...I am pretty open with what I write on this blog. Some may feel its odd to share your personal stuff with an online blog but it is somewhat therapeutic to me. Ahh Tim...my baby daddy. You may remember him in such roles as my husband, an adulterer and a jerk for about 6 months. Well...he is in the picture fully with Charlie. He visits a few times a week and is very involved with Charlie's medical stuff. When he does visit, he is very loving and doting with Charlie. He is a hands on dad with Charlie and seems to truly love him. So....is it time to say...I TOLD YOU SO TIM. I wouldn't have had a child with this man if I thought he would have been a terrible father. However, I didn't really know who Tim was when we were together. It is just insane that Tim almost walked away from such an amazing, life altering little person.
This is extremely hard on me emotionally. There are many times that I think...we should be doing this as a couple or maybe we can make it work together for Charlie's sake. When Tim and I are together, it's as if nothing has changed. We joke around and get along swimmingly. Tim is the old Tim that I knew and had fallen in love with. However...there is always that hard, cold truth of what he did and what he said that will always keep me in check. My therapist helps too:) Tim checked out of our marriage and broke our vows when things were getting "real". Tim chose to walk away from my pregnancy with no worry or concern over my health or well being. Tim does not want to be married nor does he want to have a family. He still says this to this day. He loves Charlie, but he does not want the "family life". So...it's very hard when we are playing "family" but we are not a "family". I guess with time this will get easier, but right now it is so confusing. I want the "family life". I want to be a wife and raise a child with my husband. Unfortunately Tim is not the man with whom I'll fulfill that goal. This is a sad reality. It is hitting me hard now as it is more real. I was in crisis mode throughout my pregnancy and I could not really process the significance and finality of things. I now have been for the last few weeks. I'm mourning my marriage and the loss of my "family".
There has to be a purpose to all of this. There has to be a greater plan that maybe I am not prive to just yet. I have Charlie and for that I will be eternally grateful to Tim. I just take each day as it comes regarding my relationship with Tim. It's a work in progress.
So...this all being said....here are some cute pics from a recent "family" outing we had to the pumpkin patch. Weird.
In the end...I want to do what is right by Charlie. I want there to be pictures of Charlie and his father doing things together. I want Charlie to know that I did everything I could to facilitate his relationship with his father. I just don't want to do this to a fault... This is such a hard line to walk.