Katie...this is Katie.

Well I went back and forth about writing this on my blog, but I may actually write a book some day (not in 2010 or anytime in the near future) so I need to remember everything.

Tim.... Tim has apologized for everything. he did to me during the last year. It was sincere and I appreciated it. I have not forgiven him yet (please refer to 2010 alternate goals). I will not go into detail but Tim has also felt alot of regret over his decisions and has expressed his feelings for me. After some discussion, and a therapy session, we both realized that a marriage between us would not be a healthy path to take together. This is very hard because he is saying things that i wanted him to say back in the beginning. However now they just sound so much different. Too much time has passed and too much hurt. But really it boils down to this...I want a man who is committed to me, our marriage and monogamy. Tim cannot commit to any of those things. This doesn't make him a bad person...but this information would have been useful in 2006 when we got engaged. His actions were hateful, spiteful and mean. Please know that I realize this....but I just can't hate him anymore.

Let us take this a step further. There are times when I begin to regret my relationship with him and all of the time spent with him. However, if I was not with Tim..there would be no Charlie. I actually thought about this the other day on a drive home from a baby shower. I would do it all over again just to have Charlie. I really would....

And now to a good story to wrap all of this up. A few days before Christmas I was returning some things and shopping with my mom. We were in the bookstore in Montgomeryville when I saw Tim in the children's section. My mom wanted nothing to do wit him so she left the store and went to Michael's. I thought that I would go up and say hello to him. Well...the closer I got, I realized that he was with a woman. After I almost threw up on the book display to my left, I went up and said hello. His face was the color of an eggplant. He turns to me and says, "Hi. Katie, this is Katie. Katie (the other,less attractive one), this is my son's mother." I say, "Well isn't that funny (in response to our names being the same)." I then say about 4 more sentences that all basically say, "Hope you guys have fun today shopping!" Tim later denies that this is his girlfriend and just a friend that he met through work...a nurse. He also tells me that she "knows our situation".

Hmmm... Here are some things that I wish I had said to Katie 2:

1. Hi Katie. Not only am I his son's mother, I am also his wife.

2. Hey Katie, did you know that Tim cheated on me when I was 10 weeks pregnant?

3. Hi Katie, that's a nice nose ring you have on your face.

4. Katie, what's your full name? Mine is Catherine. Isn't that f'ing hysterical.

PS: I was sad about this for about a day and then I realized that God had basically slapped me in the face with a reality check. Here is what God was saying to me:

1. Hey Katie, Tim is talking about reconciliation and has a girlfriend.

2. Hey Katie...are you stupid?

3. Hey Katie...the only use for Tim in your life was to produce Charlie because he is going to be the next president/curer of cancer/winner of the Nobel peace prize/Olympic athlete.