12 weeks!

I cannot believe that Charlie is 12 weeks old as of yesterday. I have some pregnant friends right now and I love thinking about all the various stages of my pregnancy. Sometimes I actually miss being pregnant. Everything has just been such a whirlwind:)

Charlie is amazing. He is getting so big. He has been cooing, laughing and smiling alot. He also has two new best friends...his thumb and big bird. He has been sucking his thumb for the last few weeks. It is hysterical. He actually will suck either thumb that he can get in his mouth. He doesn't even really use the pacifier anymore because he loves that thumb so much. It soothes him too...which is very nice. As for big bird...now that is a funny sight to see. He talks to him and smiles a big toothless grin whenever big bird comes into sight. We had a small one and then Tim bought him one that is basically the size of Charlie. Charlie lights up when he sees that thing. We've tested it too with other stuffed animals to see if maybe its just because its different or colorful. Nope...its just big bird that gets that reaction from him.

He is sleeping on average 7-8 hours a night and then he'll go back down for a few hours. He is such a good sleeper. During the day he takes 30-40 minute naps every 2 hours or so. He has taken his last two morning naps in his crib like a big boy. He looks so funny in that big crib. He is still sleeping in the bassinet in my room. My plan is to transition him when we return from Florida. I'm still swaddling him at night and I did with his two naps in the crib. It really seems to calm him down and knock him right out. I don't know when I'm supposed to stop doing this. Any suggestions?

He is now going 3 hours between breastfeeding. It's so weird...I feel like it's such a long time compared to the 1 1/2 - 2 hours that he ate in the beginning. I can get so much done errand wise now without having to stop and breastfeed him.

He is in his 3-6 month clothing and looking so big! Some of it is just fitting on his legs because they are so long! He is a long and lean baby boy:)

We leave for Florida on Thursday and are there until the following Tuesday. I'm a little nervous about the plane ride but I think it will be fine. I will nurse him on the takeoff and landing. Also, big bird seems to occupy him for a long time. My sister's wedding is on Saturday. I can't wait! This vacation will be a very nice get away and relaxing. My parents and I are staying in a 2 bedroom suite so Charlie and I will have our own room. We rented a pack and play...we'll see how he sleeps in that:) My dad has a few excursions planned for us after my sister's wedding. Charlie is such a nosy baby...he will love to look at anything wherever we go.

OOH..he rolled onto his side last Monday. He did it twice but hasn't done it again. It was hysterical. It was just like out of hte blue he rolled onto his side and right back again. I keep trying to get him to do it again...but he looks at me and laughs.

PS I'm really excited to be in a bathing suit...

Go Phils!!

Im not really into sports...but any excuse to put him in a cute outfit!

Co parenting

So...I am pretty open with what I write on this blog. Some may feel its odd to share your personal stuff with an online blog but it is somewhat therapeutic to me. Ahh Tim...my baby daddy. You may remember him in such roles as my husband, an adulterer and a jerk for about 6 months. Well...he is in the picture fully with Charlie. He visits a few times a week and is very involved with Charlie's medical stuff. When he does visit, he is very loving and doting with Charlie. He is a hands on dad with Charlie and seems to truly love him. So....is it time to say...I TOLD YOU SO TIM. I wouldn't have had a child with this man if I thought he would have been a terrible father. However, I didn't really know who Tim was when we were together. It is just insane that Tim almost walked away from such an amazing, life altering little person.
This is extremely hard on me emotionally. There are many times that I think...we should be doing this as a couple or maybe we can make it work together for Charlie's sake. When Tim and I are together, it's as if nothing has changed. We joke around and get along swimmingly. Tim is the old Tim that I knew and had fallen in love with. However...there is always that hard, cold truth of what he did and what he said that will always keep me in check. My therapist helps too:) Tim checked out of our marriage and broke our vows when things were getting "real". Tim chose to walk away from my pregnancy with no worry or concern over my health or well being. Tim does not want to be married nor does he want to have a family. He still says this to this day. He loves Charlie, but he does not want the "family life". So...it's very hard when we are playing "family" but we are not a "family". I guess with time this will get easier, but right now it is so confusing. I want the "family life". I want to be a wife and raise a child with my husband. Unfortunately Tim is not the man with whom I'll fulfill that goal. This is a sad reality. It is hitting me hard now as it is more real. I was in crisis mode throughout my pregnancy and I could not really process the significance and finality of things. I now have been for the last few weeks. I'm mourning my marriage and the loss of my "family".
There has to be a purpose to all of this. There has to be a greater plan that maybe I am not prive to just yet. I have Charlie and for that I will be eternally grateful to Tim. I just take each day as it comes regarding my relationship with Tim. It's a work in progress.
So...this all being said....here are some cute pics from a recent "family" outing we had to the pumpkin patch. Weird.
In the end...I want to do what is right by Charlie. I want there to be pictures of Charlie and his father doing things together. I want Charlie to know that I did everything I could to facilitate his relationship with his father. I just don't want to do this to a fault... This is such a hard line to walk.

9 1/2 weeks old

Where has the time gone? I cannot believe my little Charlie is almost 10 weeks old. This is insane. It is amazing how much he is learning and taking in. First off...he stares at his hands all the time and sucks on them. It is kind of hysterical watching him stare at his hands like they are the coolest thing he has ever seen. He is doing pretty well at tummy time. He lifts his head up to try to look forward. We practice every day (well...almost every day). At his 2 month check up he was 11 lb 3 oz and 23 1/2 inches long. He is a long skinny boy:) His reflux is doing okay. He still spits up a ton!! However, he isn't cranky while he is doing it. He is sleeping on average 6 1/2 hours a night. He goes to bed around 9 pm, wakes up 4, eats, then sleeps til about 7/7:30. Works for me! It is amazing how much better I feel with more sleep. Lack of sleep could definitely make me crazy and emotional!
The best part of all is just how alert and funny he has been. He smiles, coos and laughs. It's awesome. I love when he wakes up in the morning and sees my face. He gives me a big toothless grin. Or when I am trying to calm him to put him down for bed and he is staring at me and cooing. It's a love affair....and its mutual! I had said to my mom that I couldn't wait until he was able to be awake for periods of time and just "be". It always seemed that when he was a couple of weeks old that he had to be held and rocked all the time. My mom told me that it would come sooner then I thought. She was right. He just keeps growing and developing. Now I want it to slow down. He is growing out of his 0-3 month clothing so quickly.
Again...he is the light of my life. He really calms me and just brings me back down to a happy place. At church the other day (I'm now going to a UCC church in Lansdale...more details to follow), the pastor talked about how holding a child really can help you let go of all the other "stuff" you have to do in life. You have to put down your cell, stop typing on the computer, stop talking on the phone and or stop doing housework. You just have to hold and love your child. It's so true. Charlie really helps me realize that other stuff can wait. Holding him is what is important now.

One more pic that I just love. God.....Charlie is amazing.

He was so good at the wedding too. he had some cranky periods but all in all he was awesome. He and I danced on the dance floor. He has some rhythm. haha

PS...I hate Tim.

Kevin and Jessica's Wedding

My cousin Kevin married Jessica this weekend. It was a beautiful day and I had such a great time. Honestly, I was a bit sad in the morning because it was the first wedding I had been to since Tim and I separated. I was nervous that it would bring back emotions and some sadness. Instead, I had a great time. The ceremony was beautiful and so heartfelt. The reception was so much fun. The food was great and we danced our faces off. Kevin and Jessica are two peas in a pod....a really wonderful couple! Here are some pics.
PS..the picture of the really cute little boy is my godson Luke. He was breakdancing at the wedding. I'm not kidding...it was freaking hysterical.

Are you kidding with how cute he is....