So Charlie is 3 1/2 weeks old. What?!? I have no idea where the time has gone. In fact, I feel as if I've been in a time warp. He is doing very well. He is still sleeping at night (waking up 2-4 hours to eat but goes right back down). He is fussy during the day/evening some of the time. It's funny...some days he will sleep and chill out all day long. Other days...he is on fire:)
Here are some honest thoughts about motherhood:
Being in the child welfare field, I have way too much knowledge about what can happen when your child sleeps in bed with you. I've received horrible, sad cases where terrible things happened when a parent was sleeping with a child. Now...most of these parents were high or drunk, but some of them were just overtired. I sleep in bed with Charlie some of the time. Yes...I do. Since it is just me in the bed, I put him where my wasbund used to sleep. However, I often prop my hands on either side of him to make sure he is sleeping upright. Why am I overcompensating my excuses to you, my readers?? It works...he sleeps...I sleep.
For about 32 years I really only had to worry about myself. I came and went as I pleased and I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. It is a somewhat difficult transition to be totally at someone else's need at all times. I'm not saying that I don't love taking care of him and/or I don't want to take care of him (don't worry...its not post partum depression speaking). I'm just saying that it is a transition that I wasn't fully prepared for. I am getting used to it now though...which is making me more calm as a parent.
Speaking of calm...I notice when Im stressed out, he is stressed out. I take some deep breaths and he calms down. I have to remind myself to breathe. My yoga instructor would be so proud:)
I have to get out of the house almost daily. It truly helps with my emotional stability. I will meet friends, go for a walk or just drive to the nearest Starbucks. An older lady saw me yesterday and asked Charlie's age. I told her. She said, wow...when I had children we were told to not leave the house for a couple of months. What do I say to that? I said...oh really...lay off you old bat. I didn't say that..Im kidding.
Finally, Charlie is changing so much every day. He just seems to be "older" every day. He makes this really cute sound now like a coo/sigh. It melts my heart. I love when he looks at me with his big eyes and just stares. He keeps getting cuter too. I mean...he was always cute. However...he gets so much cuter by the day. he is developing a personality too.
Finally...I'm freaking tired. I kind of can't believe how little sleep I get and how I continue to function. Will I sleep again? The jury's out on that one:)
Your honesty is fantastic. I felt THE EXACT SAME WAY my first few weeks/months. All I can say is that you get used to it in time, and it all becomes normal....the lack of sleep and the having to always worry about someone else that is. People wouldn't keep having kids if it didn't get better! Charlie is adorable. You rock as a mom!
ReplyDeleteYou said everything I have ever thought!! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteYou are really doing so well as a mom. You should be so proud of how quickly you have adjusted and figured out the hard parts of motherhood. Don't worry about the co-sleeping. It will all work out, and you do have to sleep
ReplyDeleteYou are way more mature about your feeling than some mommys are! I too felt the need to get out everyday...sometimes Brad would come home and I would have a crazy look in my eye and he would just know I didn't get out (problems having a baby in the winter!). And I slept with both my kids in the bed...one at a time of course! With Olivia we were totally on the ends of the bed, she had all the room, Luke just kicked us around!
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