Liz's Bridal Shower 9/19/09

Well..we tried to surprise her, but I don't think we succeeded. Liz showed up to babysit Charlie looking quite beautiful in a dress and all made up. I tried to fake it the best I could...but she had her suspicions. She had a wonderful time. The shower was great...good food, GREAT presents and all around a nice time. I can't believe that their wedding is only a 1 1/2 months away. I am so excited for their wedding...you can't beat a fantastic vacation to Sanibel Island!
PS...I look gargantuan in these pics. 25 pounds...please leave me...thank you.
PPS...Charlie slept the entire time in my mom's friend Molly's arms. Wow!!
PPPS...How pretty is my sister?

F U tim

Hey...at least I looked pretty and it was a great party! We had a great honeymoon too! And...I have Charlie. Thank you Tim for Charlie. All the rest...poop on you my friend.
PS Tim really looks like someone that didn't want to get married and was faking it huh?!?

Warning....cranky, inappropriate post

Although Tim, my child's father, is quite involved with Charlie...here are a few things I'd like to say. First off...he is very good with Charlie. He is loving, caring and doting.

Dear Charlie's father:
Here are the things that you should be thanking me for, but you never have and probably never will: (these are in his words)
Thank you for conceiving our child even though I didn't really want to have a child.
Thank you for keeping yourself healhty during the pregnancy after I railroaded you with leaving you.
Thank you for carrying our child for 9 months.
Thank you for giving birth to our child.
Thank you for writing me a letter to involve me in our child's life.
Thank you for allowing me to come to the hospital to see our child.
Thank you for being a single mother to our child.
Thank you to your family and friends for being so amazing.
Thank you for allowing me to visit with our son in your home. I know this must be hard for you.
Thank you for giving me food and drinks while I am there.
Thank you for adding me to the birth announcement as a parent.
Thank you for taking pictures of me and Charlie so he will be able to see that I was involved when he was a baby.
Thank you for telling me that I am good with Charlie.

Katie says: Sure Tim. Not a problem. No sweat. PS Happy 2 year wedding anniversary on September 21st.

Ahh...I'm bitter.

Godparents

I am going to get Charlie baptized. I was born and raised Catholic but I have not been practicing in quite some time. Now..I go to church with my mom here and there. I also go to church on major holidays. I would very much like to join a church but I am not sure which denomination. I did some research and found that the UCC church may be one that would suit me. In fact my mom, a very longstanding Catholic herself, suggested it to me. St. John's UCC in Lansdale is the church nearest to me and they seem to be very active in the community. So..I am going to go to their service on Sunday if I can find someone to watch Charlie.

Onto Godparents...It was a no brainer when I chose Liz and Chris (my sister and soon to be brother in law) as Godparents. My sister has been a part of my life since I was 4 1/2 years old. She has been there through every great moment and every bump. She has been a such a wonderful support to me in my life that I could not think of a better person to be my son's Godmother. Her fiance is also such a wonderful man. Throughout the last 8 months or so he has really been such a kind, caring person. He and my sister have walked right beside me throughout my heartache. This is something I will never forget. I chose them both as they are such a blessing to have in Charlie's life.

Stay tuned to see where Charlie will be baptized...will it be UCC?

I think I'm getting the hang of this...

Well..I am multitasking right now by typing with an infant on my lap. I really don't have much downtime (as all you mommies know so well)...so I figured I'd improvise. Ill be quick. Charlie is hysterical. He is smiling, cooing and making these hilarious squeal nosies when he gets excited. He kind of laughs/squeals when you laugh at him. It's so amazing! I attached a video showing this....he is too cute.

Now onto sleep. He has been going to sleep pretty much around 9 pm every night (give or take 20 minutes). He goes down pretty easily and has for the past 2 weeks or so. Not last night...that was a bit frustrating. I think he was overtired though...oops...missed my window. But he did go down at 10 ish and then slept for 5 hours. Then he was up to feed and slept for another 3 hours. Now...he does not take after his parents as he is up and ready to go between 6:30 am and 7 am. Ew...who likes to be up that early if you dont have to be?? Not this mommy. But...we hang out and sometimes I can get him back down for a nap. I then nap with him!

He is much more calm during the evenings. He still has some fussy times, don't get me wrong. However, they are much less intense then a few weeks ago.

Finally, I did a mommy and me yoga dvd the otehr day. It was really funny. You have to use your child as a weight and then you do yoga with them. Charlie was making the funniest faces as I did push ups over his body. He was looking at me like, "Are you serious with this?". He did seem to like the baby yoga I did with him.

Here are some mommy observations:
I hate when people tell me how tiny he is....I know he is only 6 weeks and still an infant. However, because I'm crazy, I begin to think he is underweight and that I am not producing enough breast milk for him. Then I start to feel neglectful and wonder if I should supplement because I am starving him. PS...he is healthy and a fine weight as per the doctor. Chill out Katie.

I do more laundry the I've ever done. My electric bill proves it.

Why do babies come out with hair, lose it and then gain it back again?

Even when Charlie smells like vomit or poop...I can't stop smelling him. He still smells wonderful to me. Weird...I would not want to smell any other person who smelled of poop and vomit.

I do not want to complain...but here goes. Being a single parent is hard. I'll leave it at that. God Bless those who had to do it w/o as much support as I have...

I talk about poop, vomit, sleep, milk and boobs alot. It's funny. The conversation always reverts back to one of these things no matter whom I am talking to...

I could be exhausted, frustrated and ready to break and one smile from Charlie takes it all away. Now that is powerful.

1 month

Charlie was one month old on Tuesday. He has changed SO much from the first week of his birth. I have changed as well... He is so strong. He lifts his head up and when you hold him, you really have to watch him because he wants to just move and look everywhere. I swear this little boy is going to be an athlete (or have ADHD). He moves his little legs and arms all the time. When he is awake...he is moving! It is so funny because it looks like he just wants to get up and go. Now that would be funny...a one month old running around. He is now smiling, cooing and doing some kind out out loud laughter. It's hysterical!! He'll do it when we are laying in bed in the morning. I keep him in bed after our morning feeding (around 6 am or so). He is so cute to wake up to and he gives me a show. Right now, as I am neglecting him by typing, he is laughing and moving around like a champ. I left him on the pack and play the other day to throw out his diaper. I was over near the sink and I heard this really loud laughter....so funny. He is still fussy at times, but it seems to be less and less as weeks go by. I also feel that I feel more confident in my ability to soothe him.

He had his one month checkup today. He is in the 25-50 percentile for weight and height. I was a bit worried about his weight as he still seems smaller...but everything was a okay! His head, however, is small. I think she said the 10th percentile. aww....Tim has a small peahead too. He had to get a shot today. I made Tim hold him. Tim teared up..I couldn't believe it. I felt a little sick to my stomach when Charlie screamed. It sucked. I've heard that there are more shots at the 2 month visit. They think he has reflux...all signs point to it. So we are going to try baby Zantac (spelling??). All in all..he is right on target. I love the pediatrician's office we go to (thanks Jen). The nurse practitioner, Theresa, is so great and has an answer to all my questions. She has a son who is about a year old as well...so it's nice to get a real mother's perspective.

To Charlie: Thank you again my little son. You are teaching me so much about myself as a woman and mother every day. I am learning patience, humility and to just slow it down. I need to take each day as it comes. He has good days and not so good days. That's life! I have always been one to be "planning for the future". I live so much in the future that I often forget to enjoy what is right in front of me. I need to take a deep breath and just enjoy the moment. My mom has said numerous times that children grow up so quickly and to enjoy every minute with them at all stages in their life. I remember this when I become frustrated or overwhelmed. This too shall pass but how lucky am I that I get to take care of him and love him. People pay alot of money and go through so much to become pregnant. I've been blessed with Charlie.
One last thing. My mother is amazing. There are really no words to describe her but amazing. She stayed with me for almost two weeks overnight. She is always offering to come over, do laundry, cook dinner or just talk. She has total unconditional love for me. There is nothing she would not do for me....literally nothing. There are never any questions asked or feelings of being "put out" when I ask for her help. I often question if I can be that person to Charlie? I strive to be because honestly...she has also saved my life on many levels with the unconditional love she has shown. Now...this is not to leave out my dad and sister. They are also fantastic and so helpful. I would be lost without them as well. Again, I am so blessed with a giving, loving family. What a great family to be a part of Charlie!!

When you do stop, take a deep breath and take in all that you have in life...it is overwhelmingly wonderful.

Oh where does the time go?

So Charlie is 3 1/2 weeks old. What?!? I have no idea where the time has gone. In fact, I feel as if I've been in a time warp. He is doing very well. He is still sleeping at night (waking up 2-4 hours to eat but goes right back down). He is fussy during the day/evening some of the time. It's funny...some days he will sleep and chill out all day long. Other days...he is on fire:)
Here are some honest thoughts about motherhood:
Being in the child welfare field, I have way too much knowledge about what can happen when your child sleeps in bed with you. I've received horrible, sad cases where terrible things happened when a parent was sleeping with a child. Now...most of these parents were high or drunk, but some of them were just overtired. I sleep in bed with Charlie some of the time. Yes...I do. Since it is just me in the bed, I put him where my wasbund used to sleep. However, I often prop my hands on either side of him to make sure he is sleeping upright. Why am I overcompensating my excuses to you, my readers?? It works...he sleeps...I sleep.
For about 32 years I really only had to worry about myself. I came and went as I pleased and I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. It is a somewhat difficult transition to be totally at someone else's need at all times. I'm not saying that I don't love taking care of him and/or I don't want to take care of him (don't worry...its not post partum depression speaking). I'm just saying that it is a transition that I wasn't fully prepared for. I am getting used to it now though...which is making me more calm as a parent.
Speaking of calm...I notice when Im stressed out, he is stressed out. I take some deep breaths and he calms down. I have to remind myself to breathe. My yoga instructor would be so proud:)
I have to get out of the house almost daily. It truly helps with my emotional stability. I will meet friends, go for a walk or just drive to the nearest Starbucks. An older lady saw me yesterday and asked Charlie's age. I told her. She said, wow...when I had children we were told to not leave the house for a couple of months. What do I say to that? I said...oh really...lay off you old bat. I didn't say that..Im kidding.
Finally, Charlie is changing so much every day. He just seems to be "older" every day. He makes this really cute sound now like a coo/sigh. It melts my heart. I love when he looks at me with his big eyes and just stares. He keeps getting cuter too. I mean...he was always cute. However...he gets so much cuter by the day. he is developing a personality too.
Finally...I'm freaking tired. I kind of can't believe how little sleep I get and how I continue to function. Will I sleep again? The jury's out on that one:)